Apprentice: I find that my partner is irritating me a lot at the moment and this is creating a lot of tension. I’m not sure the relationship is working out ... Teachers: When you focus on the aspects of your partner that irritate you, that seem inconsiderate, that fail to meet your desires, or that you do not understand or like, you starve yourself and allow the relationship to wither a little. However when you focus on appreciating what you find desirable, pleasurable, interesting, exciting, and enjoyable about your partner, then you are nourished by your appreciation and the relationship can bloom. If you do observe aspects of your relationship about which you feel unhappy, it can be helpful to try to take yourself out of the focus of the feeling of dissatisfaction so that you can be more objective about the situation. When you respond with irritation it is helpful to bear in mind that the stimulus is in fact neutral. You have to own the irritation response, rather than blaming your partner.
page 88, Illusory Advice, Ngakma Nor’dzin & Ngakpa ’ö-Dzin, Aro Books Worldwide, 2016, ISBN: 978-1-898185-37-6
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